betterthanaplan | Lucifer's mansion, Friday morning

"I swear that's never happened to me before," Duke said, staring quite fixedly at the ceiling. He and Lucifer had had a perfectly lovely date night last night, full of good food and sly puns, finishing up as promised with champagne in Lucifer's hot tub before they'd headed to bed.

And proceeded to spend the night encountering increasingly ridiculous reasons why they couldn't quite manage to get each other off, culminating this morning in Duke actually falling off the bed rather spectacularly while trying to get just the right angle. He was now the floor next to it, tangled inexplicably in a sheet, rubbing the part of his head that had grazed the nightstand on his way down.

This had gone way past ridiculous.

[for him whose bedroom it is]

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From:

my_own_advocate

"A deep and befuddling masochism," Lucifer said. "Hold on--"

He marched to the bar and plucked a carafe of water off of it. Poured a glass, and walked back to offer Duke that, as well.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Mmm." Duke popped a couple pills in his mouth and swallowed them down with his water. "And yet, it's still not as bad as my home town."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, there is a happy medium," Lucifer retorted, trotting back over to his mini-freezer. "Like, I don't know. Southern California."

From:

betterthanaplan

"Last time I was there your nephew got abducted," Duke pointed out. "By an army of demons. And then you spent the next couple millennia in Hell."

From:

my_own_advocate

"There are more cities in Southern California than LA," Lucifer retorted. "And I chose to go back to Hell."

He snagged the tray of ice cubes and a plastic bag.

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke watched him, trying to resist the urge to poke at the sore spot on his face. He was thinking about choices, and being forced, by circumstance or intelligence, into them.

Lucifer's choices had been to go to Hell, or to let demons run rampant on the earth. To take his crown back up, or let them force it onto his nephew.

He didn't say any of that. There wasn't any point. Lucifer would just claim his case was totally different from Duke's. So he just . . . watched him instead.

From:

my_own_advocate

Yes, well. Just a few years ago Lucifer would have gleefully told Amenadiel to enjoy being father to the king of Hell and walked out of there.

He filled up the bag with ice and walked back, holding it out for Duke. "Not exactly the way I wanted a pleasant evening to end," he muttered.

From:

betterthanaplan

"It was good," Duke agreed, accepting the bag with a nod and pressing it gently to his cheek. "Right up until all the, uh. Coitus interruptus."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I hate this bloody island," Lucifer said, considering Duke's face critically, as if he could somehow spot some more damage that way.

From:

betterthanaplan

"I'd say we should sail away," Duke said, "but, uh. Last time that didn't work out so well."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, perhaps flying somewhere before the next disaster hits would be a good idea," Lucifer said. "...How are you feeling?"

From:

betterthanaplan

“Bruised,” Duke said. “Frustrated. You?”

From:

my_own_advocate

"Yes on the frustrated, no on the bruised," Lucifer said, finally pulling his attention away from Duke's face.

He stomped past the man instead to go pick up the booze, and--

"I still don't know how on Earth that spatula managed to turn up."

From:

betterthanaplan

"And so unfortunately angled." Duke shook his head. "Maybe you have a poltergeist?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"Please, if I had, I would have noticed it, found it and-- defenestrated it ages ago," Lucifer said, twisting the cap off of the bottle and taking a nice, long sip.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Suppose if anyone can defenestrate a poltergeist, it'd be the Devil," Duke said. He sat down on the edge of the bed, then let himself fall backwards, ice still pressed to his face. "Do you suppose there's, like, management of this crap we could complain to?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"I can send a strongly-worded letter to the mayor, at least."

Jesse would be thrilled.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Start a petition, maybe. It'll be pointless, but maybe it'll make us feel better."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I'm not sure anything is going to make us feel better at this point," Lucifer said, and took another swig.

... Yes, this was, apparently, what was going to set him off after all other recent disasters.

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke looked up at him with a faint frown.

"You okay there, man?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"I am just extremely done with this island targeting all that we care about," Lucifer informed him.

You know, their agency, their peace of mind, and their ability to get their rocks off.

From:

betterthanaplan

"It came for Lucifer's sex life," Duke said with a snort. "The last straw."

From:

my_own_advocate

"After everything that's happened, the least it could do was let us fornicate in peace," Lucifer pointed out.

Especially when you'd repressed as much stressful, painful stuff as he had over the past few months.