My unicorn got run over by a tractor

"I swear that's never happened to me before," Duke said, staring quite fixedly at the ceiling. He and Lucifer had had a perfectly lovely date night last night, full of good food and sly puns, finishing up as promised with champagne in Lucifer's hot tub before they'd headed to bed.

And proceeded to spend the night encountering increasingly ridiculous reasons why they couldn't quite manage to get each other off, culminating this morning in Duke actually falling off the bed rather spectacularly while trying to get just the right angle. He was now the floor next to it, tangled inexplicably in a sheet, rubbing the part of his head that had grazed the nightstand on his way down.

This had gone way past ridiculous.

[for him whose bedroom it is]