betterthanaplan | Lucifer's mansion, Friday morning

"I swear that's never happened to me before," Duke said, staring quite fixedly at the ceiling. He and Lucifer had had a perfectly lovely date night last night, full of good food and sly puns, finishing up as promised with champagne in Lucifer's hot tub before they'd headed to bed.

And proceeded to spend the night encountering increasingly ridiculous reasons why they couldn't quite manage to get each other off, culminating this morning in Duke actually falling off the bed rather spectacularly while trying to get just the right angle. He was now the floor next to it, tangled inexplicably in a sheet, rubbing the part of his head that had grazed the nightstand on his way down.

This had gone way past ridiculous.

[for him whose bedroom it is]

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From:

my_own_advocate

There was a vein in Lucifer's forehead that had started pulsing somewhere during the night and there was now no force on Earth that could stop it from pounding against his skull. It was, in fact, the only pounding that had gone on here so far.

"Yes, that's what you've said five times now," he said, glaring up at the ceiling (and the bottle of lube that had, improbably, wound up stuck on it).

From:

betterthanaplan

"And it's been the truth every time," Duke said. He tried to sit up to grab Lucifer's handy bottle of nightstand booze, only to bump the stand and send said bottle crashing down onto his face.

". . . Ow."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, it's not exactly a regular occurrence for me either," Lucifer started.

He registered the 'ow' a few moments late and rolled over onto his side to peer over the edge of the bed. "You all right there?"

From:

betterthanaplan

"Fine," Duke bit out, hand pressed to his nose. "Though your bedroom scotch might have just given me a black eye."

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer eyed him. Made a frustrated noise.

"Right," he said, "I guess we're giving up on this enterprise and getting you some ice, then."

From:

betterthanaplan

"Before one of us breaks our dick," Duke agreed with a low groan. "What the fuck, man?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"I don't know, but whatever is causing this, I want to speak to its manager," Lucifer ~~snarled~~ said in an utterly reasonable tone, as he shifted and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Sex pollen. Mind controlling kids. Now this." Duke shook his head, then regretted it. He pushed himself slowly upright. "I don't even want to guess what's next. Might give the place ideas."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Isn't the end of the semester usually dramatic, as well?" Lucifer asked, getting up.

He nudged his way past Duke and rummaged around until he found the painkillers, shoving a strip at the man.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Oh man. Don't remind me. Why do we live here?" Duke reached up and accepted the pills. "Mochof."

From:

my_own_advocate

"A deep and befuddling masochism," Lucifer said. "Hold on--"

He marched to the bar and plucked a carafe of water off of it. Poured a glass, and walked back to offer Duke that, as well.

From:

betterthanaplan

"Mmm." Duke popped a couple pills in his mouth and swallowed them down with his water. "And yet, it's still not as bad as my home town."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, there is a happy medium," Lucifer retorted, trotting back over to his mini-freezer. "Like, I don't know. Southern California."

From:

betterthanaplan

"Last time I was there your nephew got abducted," Duke pointed out. "By an army of demons. And then you spent the next couple millennia in Hell."

From:

my_own_advocate

"There are more cities in Southern California than LA," Lucifer retorted. "And I chose to go back to Hell."

He snagged the tray of ice cubes and a plastic bag.

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke watched him, trying to resist the urge to poke at the sore spot on his face. He was thinking about choices, and being forced, by circumstance or intelligence, into them.

Lucifer's choices had been to go to Hell, or to let demons run rampant on the earth. To take his crown back up, or let them force it onto his nephew.

He didn't say any of that. There wasn't any point. Lucifer would just claim his case was totally different from Duke's. So he just . . . watched him instead.

From:

my_own_advocate

Yes, well. Just a few years ago Lucifer would have gleefully told Amenadiel to enjoy being father to the king of Hell and walked out of there.

He filled up the bag with ice and walked back, holding it out for Duke. "Not exactly the way I wanted a pleasant evening to end," he muttered.

From:

betterthanaplan

"It was good," Duke agreed, accepting the bag with a nod and pressing it gently to his cheek. "Right up until all the, uh. Coitus interruptus."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I hate this bloody island," Lucifer said, considering Duke's face critically, as if he could somehow spot some more damage that way.

From:

betterthanaplan

"I'd say we should sail away," Duke said, "but, uh. Last time that didn't work out so well."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, perhaps flying somewhere before the next disaster hits would be a good idea," Lucifer said. "...How are you feeling?"

From:

betterthanaplan

“Bruised,” Duke said. “Frustrated. You?”

From:

my_own_advocate

"Yes on the frustrated, no on the bruised," Lucifer said, finally pulling his attention away from Duke's face.

He stomped past the man instead to go pick up the booze, and--

"I still don't know how on Earth that spatula managed to turn up."

From:

betterthanaplan

"And so unfortunately angled." Duke shook his head. "Maybe you have a poltergeist?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"Please, if I had, I would have noticed it, found it and-- defenestrated it ages ago," Lucifer said, twisting the cap off of the bottle and taking a nice, long sip.