betterthanaplan | The deck of the Fin and Tonic, Tuesday afternoon

Duke had gone into town this morning, and come back with an acoustic guitar. It'd been ages since he'd last played, so he set about turning and warming up with unusual focus before eventually starting to play something relatively simple.

"Sorry
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry, like sorry. . . ."

Should the narrative pretend that his song choice was random? Obviously it was not. It had been running through his head for days.

[for those on the island, and likely slow play!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

From:

okteiviakom

Octavia hummed something vague back to him. Mostly tuneless, because she didn't know whatever song it was that he was going for, but felt like... echoing something seemed good.

She also let him rock her. Closed her eyes, too.

Murmured, "I like this."

Because he should know.

From:

betterthanaplan

It did him good to hear it. "Me too," he said.

And took a deep breath.

"You, uh. You like me too, right?"

She'd never actually said, last time she brought it up.

From:

okteiviakom

"What?" Octavia asked, her eyes fluttering open even though she didn't pull back to look at him. He didn't see her faint, concerned frown, either. "Of course I like you. Why would I be here if I didn't?"

From:

betterthanaplan

"Because you love me," Duke said. "Which maybe isn't always the same thing. As liking."

He kissed her head again.

"I'm sorry about having to ask. Last time . . . you kind of just told me I needed therapy. Which was very true, so also thank you for that."

From:

okteiviakom

"I don't think I realized you needed to hear something that felt so... obvious," Octavia muttered. Even if the catch was how not obvious it had maybe become in the time after they'd had that conversation. "Even though I get it. Needing it."

From:

betterthanaplan

"Good," Duke said, some of the tension bleeding out of him. He rocked her again. "I was worried." Their conversations hadn't gone super well of late.

"And I like you, too. By the way. Even when I'm mad. Or frustrated."

From:

okteiviakom

"I think sometimes I forget, when I'm mad," Octavia admitted, nuzzling his chest a little bit again. "But it's like... I forget I like anyone, or anything. And then it goes away and I remember again."

She remembered who she was, when there were things fueling her that weren't desperate anger.

From:

betterthanaplan

"I think you feel things really deeply," Duke said. He stroked her hair, still rocking. "I actually admire that about you."

From:

okteiviakom

"You do?" Octavia muttered. "Lately, it seems to just... get me in trouble."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke let out a soft chuckle. "You may not have noticed, but, uh. I tend to be a little repressed. Enough that most of what comes out is anger, right now. I wish I could be more like you are, sometimes."

From:

okteiviakom

The frown was back, still equally unseen. "I never thought of you as repressed," Octavia said, half like a question, half a statement. (She wondered if she should have. She'd had a lot of thoughts about how much about him she may have missed, over the years.) "Especially with how much I hold back."

From:

betterthanaplan

"You don't usually say it," Duke said. "But it's not hard to tell when you're feeling something big." He rubbed her back again. "When we came back, after I had to get retroubled? You wore your guilt like a hairshirt. And I didn't think I could let myself even feel scared by the troubles I could already feel buzzing around in me, in case it let them out."

From:

okteiviakom

"But what about before then?" Octavia asked, ignoring the urge to make any comments about what he'd said about her feelings. "Or... after. Now."

From:

betterthanaplan

"I don't know," Duke admitted. "I think most people from Haven are at least a little repressed. Now . . . now they're taking even me by surprise sometimes. Hence some of the, uh. Explosions." He tilted his head at her. "Does that matter?"

From:

okteiviakom

"I guess that depends on what you count as mattering," Octavia replied, finally shifting just enough to actually look up at him again. "I was just asking because your example was... It was one where you had a really obvious reason to hold things in."

From:

betterthanaplan

”Having a reason doesn’t change that I was repressing things,” Duke pointed out. “Anyway. I guess I just want to say . . . I see you. Even when I read things wrong. I try to pay attention. And when you . . . express things out loud. . . .” He flicked the corner of his mouth up a little. “I get a little jealous.”

From:

okteiviakom

Octavia had only been trying to understand the scope and history of his repression. But, he'd already moved on, sort of, so...

Not that she knew what to say to what he was saying now. "Right," she murmured. "Well. I don't know if it's as great as it looks."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke nodded. “The sweet spot is probably somewhere between repressing and . . . what you seem to do.”

He was back to being careful again. Trying not to tell her what he thought she was thinking or feeling. That was clearly something that set her off.

“I just wanted you to know.”

From:

okteiviakom

"Why?"

Maybe that was a stupid question. Octavia certainly didn't spend too long thinking about it before it was already out of her mouth.

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke took it seriously, though. He took a moment to think his answer over.

“Like I said,” he said finally. “Even when I get the interpretation wrong. I pay attention. That feels like something I need you to know right now. And maybe something you needed to hear.”

From:

okteiviakom

Maybe.

Close enough.

"Thank you," Octavia murmured.

From:

betterthanaplan

"You're welcome," Duke said softly in return. He leaned in to kiss her hair again. "And the interpretation part. . . . I'll work on that."

From:

okteiviakom

"And I'll try to help," Octavia replied. (Didn't it sound simple, said like that?) "Because I do want us to understand each other."

The way she'd always thought they already had.

Edited Date: 2025-01-10 03:34 pm (UTC)

From:

betterthanaplan

They had, once upon a time. Then life had happened to both of them, which made it more complicated to navigate.

The joys of trauma.

"Me too," Duke said, brushing his finger gently along her hairline. "It might be hard. But I think we're worth it."