betterthanaplan | The deck of the Fin and Tonic, Tuesday afternoon

Duke had gone into town this morning, and come back with an acoustic guitar. It'd been ages since he'd last played, so he set about turning and warming up with unusual focus before eventually starting to play something relatively simple.

"Sorry
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry, like sorry. . . ."

Should the narrative pretend that his song choice was random? Obviously it was not. It had been running through his head for days.

[for those on the island, and likely slow play!]

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From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer nodded.

He considered his options in this conversation.

"Did New Years' Eve throw you off?"

From:

betterthanaplan

"Not . . . more than every other conversation Tavi and I have had of late," Duke said. "I keep thinking we're making progress, but then it's like we're back at the beginning all over again."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I told her it seems like the two of you need to figure out how to argue properly," Lucifer sighed. "As in, without tapdancing on each other's triggers."

From:

betterthanaplan

"Yeah. Well . . . it feels like me needing anything from her right now is a trigger," Duke muttered. He focused on his fingers on the frets again for a moment. "Which is deeply unfair. I know. Story of my freaking life."

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer sighed. "Well, I could try deconstructing what goes wrong there for the umpteenth time," he said, "But I think we can conclude at this point that all that does is cause trouble between you and I."

He reached out to put his hand on Duke's knee. "So I suppose I'll just tell you that your needing something is not wrong."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke stopped strumming so he could put his own hand on top of Lucifer's.

"I know. I . . . want to know that, anyway." He had way too much history of being called selfish and cast out for expressing his needs. "Thank you. For saying it."

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer looked at him, a small smile playing across his face. "And I know I've said this before," he said, "But I much prefer to hear what you need than spend time guessing or ambling on obliviously."

Edited Date: 2025-01-07 09:04 pm (UTC)

From:

betterthanaplan

"I kind of know that feeling," Duke said ruefully. "Is it . . . possible that part of Octavia's and my problem is that we're stuck in the same place?"

Needing and not knowing how to ask or if they were allowed.

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer thought about it, tilting his head.

"... It may well be," he said, after a moment.

From:

betterthanaplan

"She's been there a lot longer than I have."

That wasn't exactly true. And it definitely wasn't the important part of that realization.

From:

my_own_advocate

Right, that stopped making sense. "Been where?"

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke looked up at Lucifer, surprised.

". . . In crisis. I think she's been living there for years."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I don't think she was in crisis for a while," Lucifer said slowly. "But she used to be."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke bobbled his head in half nod, half shrug. “Okay. But she’s been in a place where she can’t . . . ask me for what she needs. And sort of. Got used to how we managed that, when I wasn’t — when I was less willing to try asking for things.”

He looked down at his guitar.

“She took care of herself and I took care of myself. And now . . . I’m not just asking her things for me, but trying to get her to ask for things for her, too.”

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, at the moment, she most seems to need an... Understanding," Lucifer said.

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke shot Lucifer a sidelong look. He wondered if this was something she had actually said to Lucifer or it was something Lucifer had worked out himself.

“Okay?”

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer blinked at him. "What?" he said. "She told us on New Year's Eve."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke nodded slowly. “She needs to feel heard. But I can only do that if she actually says things.”

From:

my_own_advocate

"Well, my old advice on that stands," Lucifer said. "Take her somewhere comfortable at a time you feel you can keep your own needs out of it for a little bit, and let her talk."

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke nodded. “Yeah . . . we’ll see how that goes.”

Part of him couldn’t help but think the real solution was just to. Not ask her for anything. But that would probably always be his instinctive reaction.

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer smiled, a touch wry. "How are you feeling about it?"

From:

betterthanaplan

Duke sighed. “Like what I really need to do is give up and never ask her for anything again.”

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer let out a soft huff. "That seems unwise."

From:

betterthanaplan

“Yeah. It’s not the most rational.”

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer patted his knee and gave it a squeeze. "It is okay for you to ask things of people," he said. "Including her. You're just... still learning how to do it."