At sea, Monday
Dec. 23rd, 2024 01:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
betterthanaplanDuke was making great time on the OceaNyx. The wind was strong, the water a bit choppy but not alarmingly so, and the sun was shining. Duke sat at the stern, watching the sail and the whispy clouds behind it, breathing in the salt air for the umpteenth time.
It was exhilarating. Liberating.
Kind of . . . melancholy.
He missed his partners.
Not just them, he realized as he thought. He missed Gloria. Geoff and Bill. Wade and Evi. Nathan.
Audrey.
"Fuck, Audrey," he breathed, to no one in particular. "I hope you're okay, wherever you ended up. I hope you managed to kick Mara to the curb. That you're not still . . . staring helplessly out of your own eyes."
He knew all too well how that felt.
"But goddamn, it was always going to end like that, wasn't it. You were doomed from the start. You were doomed as Lucy, as Sarah, as everyone else you were after you were Mara." He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment. "I wanted so badly to help you, you know. I loved you. Not like I do Luce and Tavi. Not even like I did Nathan. I loved you like I loved Lucy, like this . . . monolith of goodness and hardness in one sharp package. I think . . . sometimes I wanted to be you."
He sighed. Breathed. Then stood and shouted to the water.
"I loved you! And you knew it! You took advantage of it from day one! I know why. I know you had your reasons and they were good ones, but fuck!" That felt good, so he yelled it again, at the top of his lungs. "FUCK! I can't get close to the two people who've loved me more than anyone else. And it's because of Dad, and it's because of Mom, and the Rev, and Evi, and all the other fuckers who just wanted to use me, but it's because of you, too! The Crocker Curse was just another tool in your bag." He sat back down. "And so was I."
He wiped saltwater from his cheeks; tears and sea spray both.
"I hope you're okay," he said again. "But I hope you stay a long way away from me."
He lapsed into silence again, thinking about all the people he'd lost. All of them to the troubles. Then he thought about the two people waiting for him in the Bahamas. How much he'd taken out on them, over the last few years.
Off the starboard bow, a pod of porpoises surfaced to catch their breath. Duke pulled out his phone just in time to catch the tail end of one jumping out of the water. He looked at the photo and smiled, then set it up to send when the phone found a signal again.
Octavia was going to love it.
[establishy, NFB due to distance.]
It was exhilarating. Liberating.
Kind of . . . melancholy.
He missed his partners.
Not just them, he realized as he thought. He missed Gloria. Geoff and Bill. Wade and Evi. Nathan.
Audrey.
"Fuck, Audrey," he breathed, to no one in particular. "I hope you're okay, wherever you ended up. I hope you managed to kick Mara to the curb. That you're not still . . . staring helplessly out of your own eyes."
He knew all too well how that felt.
"But goddamn, it was always going to end like that, wasn't it. You were doomed from the start. You were doomed as Lucy, as Sarah, as everyone else you were after you were Mara." He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment. "I wanted so badly to help you, you know. I loved you. Not like I do Luce and Tavi. Not even like I did Nathan. I loved you like I loved Lucy, like this . . . monolith of goodness and hardness in one sharp package. I think . . . sometimes I wanted to be you."
He sighed. Breathed. Then stood and shouted to the water.
"I loved you! And you knew it! You took advantage of it from day one! I know why. I know you had your reasons and they were good ones, but fuck!" That felt good, so he yelled it again, at the top of his lungs. "FUCK! I can't get close to the two people who've loved me more than anyone else. And it's because of Dad, and it's because of Mom, and the Rev, and Evi, and all the other fuckers who just wanted to use me, but it's because of you, too! The Crocker Curse was just another tool in your bag." He sat back down. "And so was I."
He wiped saltwater from his cheeks; tears and sea spray both.
"I hope you're okay," he said again. "But I hope you stay a long way away from me."
He lapsed into silence again, thinking about all the people he'd lost. All of them to the troubles. Then he thought about the two people waiting for him in the Bahamas. How much he'd taken out on them, over the last few years.
Off the starboard bow, a pod of porpoises surfaced to catch their breath. Duke pulled out his phone just in time to catch the tail end of one jumping out of the water. He looked at the photo and smiled, then set it up to send when the phone found a signal again.
Octavia was going to love it.
[establishy, NFB due to distance.]